Forums / Fun! / Just For Fun

(If you value your computer, do not open it in a separate tab.)

(It's immense girth will overwhelm you.)

(page 21. It's the meme number, you know what that means)

(Of the seven-now-ten OCs I was thinking of, only 5 of them might maybe actually try that, the other 5 would just hit the Angel upside the head with an actual motorboat. Of the first 5, three would probably provoke mild disgust toward their personalities and the other 2 are comic relief characters that I'm betting you'll find quite cursed, they're so bad, you'll feel like a part of you was violated by just staring at them. I take great pride in making some cursed shit every once in a while.)

(Also, 4 of the total 10 possible characters that could be the one to hand the Angel his own ass on a plate you've already seen)

It's glory!
IT'S OVERWHELMING!

(The embed still loaded just fine on mobile)

(Telling KYM's Textile-whatnots to just stretch the image to absurd dimensions doesn't actually increase the filesize or anything that would have a meaningful effect on performance, now if say you opened that image in Paint.NET and resized it to be 1,000,000×1,000,000 pixels, used the bucket tool to turn the background into the most convoluted pattern possible and saved it as a progressive jpeg with the "quality" slider turned to "100" (AKA: no compression), yeah, we'd be seeing some performance problems.)

(this is weirdly specific, did you actually)

(Not exactly, but if you remember a while back, I did this. I've also been experimenting with using a homebrew media player for the DS that doesn't work too well with progressive jpegs, so I tried to convert some of them to baseline jpegs with no compression to avoid degrading the image, but it just made them exponentially larger by an order of magnitude. 250 KB became 2.8 MB really fast.)

(something something adding a god of decay and the forum loosing activity…something)

Now that I look at those maps again, I noticed that there's a lot of unused space, you could have put some more trees or buildings or better yet, make the map a bit smaller to get rid of all that unused grass.

(Yeah, I was considering going back and trying to fill in the gaps in the main city area, but Cities:Skylines is not only a questionably optimized mess, but a bunch of the mods I used to do stuff like get a top-down screenshot have become defunct and are incompatible with the latest update, so even if I do, there's that.)

(So I decide to make a full resolution reference for Bex in her motorcycle suit, both with and without helmet and Bex in full gear.)

(Her weapons and equipment includes a Heckler & Koch Mk. 23 Mod 0 with suppressor and laser sights, Glock 18C, Smith & Wesson Model 29 with scope, OKC-3S Bayonet, AR pistol with Ares Shrike belt-fed upper receiver, prismatic scope, suppressor, grenade launcher and custom-made hook meant to be hooked around the forearm in order to allow single-handed operation, infrared goggles, palmtop PC, pipe bombs (courtesy of Mora Bundy), plate carrier with SAPI plates and a portable radio with throat mic.)

(I'd tell you Circle Cultists to run in fear, but you'll never see her until it's too late and somebody's already caught a bullet with their Occipital lobe and by the time you've sounded the alarm she'll have already got want she's after and left, slipping right through your fingers like a buttered gnat.)

Hex Maniac looking ho.

…Quiet_boi said to himself as he sat down in his 1981 Chevrolet Monte Carlo painted all black with white stripes along the bottom and started the engine.

Suddenly the entire vehicle exploded in a brilliant burst of flame as singed car parts flew everywhere. A black 2001 Yamaha YZF-R1 sped by and circled to a stop, it's rider pulling out a pipe bomb, lighting it and throwing it into the flaming wreckage before disappearing into the night, leaving only the faint echo of her motorcycle's engine behind. The pipe bomb exploded, obliterating the wreckage to the point of being a pile of unrecognizable burnt pieces of metal.

(Black & White-lookin' mofo, dude, why you look like my great grandma's TV? Go back to Leave It To Beaver where you belong, you no-color-havin' freak.)

"I heard someone singing Come Out Ye Black And Tans and I came as fast as I co-"

Soup King Prime came to a complete stop as he saw the sight of the 1981 Chevrolet Monte Carlo painted all black with white stripes along the bottom and collapsed to his knees. He threw his arms into the air and screamed:

"MY BABY BOY, NOOOOOOOO!"

Quiet_Boi awkwardly staggered out of a near-by alleyway slightly singed and smelling of BBQ.

"Don't worry…boss (coughs) I-I'm alright."

Soup King Prime's head snapped sharply towards the injured boi.

"NOT YOU!"

The machine pointed at the burning car with an arm trembling in grief and fury.

"WHO DIS?"

"Er…some Hex Maniac looking ho."

Soup King let out a low growl and a portal suddenly tore apart in the air beside him, leading directly to the Kommand Center.

"Hah, I see that my assasi-"

Soup King Prime shoved his arm through the portal with surprising speed and yanked Kaijin through by his throat, holding him above his head and showing him the wreckage and a rather sheepish Quiet_boi.

"WHO DIS?"

"SWEET BABY SHIRLEY MAN, IT'S JUST A CAR!"

"I SPENT HOURS WORKING ON THAT! IT WAS PEREFECT IN EVERY WAY! WHO DIS!"

" BEX…IT WAS BEX. THE BLACK & WHITE-LOOKIN' MOFO!"

About five hours later, Bex was back in her apartment trying to workout which motorcycle outfit she wanted to sleep in tonight when she heard an unexpected knock at her door. Sauntering over with the eased grace of a smug cat, she called out:

"Who's there?"

"Tis me, t' local neighbourhood Leprechaun sent t' give ye m' pot of gold for payment of automobiles atomised."

"Why would a Leprechaun willingly give away his pot o' gold, mmm?"

"Because Kaijin recorded a video of me and two Thai ladyboys. Tis very embarrassin' which be why Oi'm givin' ye m' pot o' gold to keep it quiet."

Bex opened the door and was greeted by a small Irish faery dressed like a 18th Century journeyman with a shamrock tucked into the brim of his hat and a large pot of faery gold that was excitingly growing larger as she looked at it with an almost frightening sp-

The pot of gold caught her under the chin and sent her flying backwards into the room, where her ample BMI score cushioned most of the blow. As she lay there dazed on the floor, dozens of Leprechauns flooded into her apartment and pinned her down.

As she lay there struggling against the tide of angry, semi-sober midgets, her face turned to the doorway and to the one that clobbered the absolute fuck out of her.

"Tráthnóna maith, a bhean óg"

Bex stared furiously at the machine and defiantly spat out.

"Do you think I'm afraid of an old rust bucket like you?"

"Not yet."

Soup King Prime stepped into the room and a group of Leprechauns followed, bringing in what looked like a 5ft x 5ft square of turf covered in a white grass.

"Cuir ar an bhféar ocrach í, a bhuachaillí"

The teeming mass of Fenian Fae man-handled the writhing form of Bex onto the white grass, helped by the odd kick or two from Soup King Prime

After being pinned onto the white grass, Bex's fury soon turned into terror, as she felt her body starting to get slimmer. At this startling realisation, she let out a shrill cry of:

"NO! GIRTH IS WORTH!"

The assembled crowd of men and machine laughed at her misery as she slowly and surely lost her THICCness and became slightly thinner than average.

As the crowd of magical goons left her flat after raiding it for all of the alcohol they could find, Soup King Prime bent over the traumatised form of Bex that was now shivering in a motorcycle suit eight sized too big for her and whispered in a low, menacing voice:

"I've gone easy on you this time. Do this again and it will be a month long routine of dieting and exercise courses with friendly, motivated gym instructors. Understand?"

Bex gave a low whimper and the machine left to go and salvage what he could from his beloved car.

(Hey, whoa, there's clearly a difference between being fat and having a crazy hourglass, Bex is clearly the latter. Her abdomen is way thinner than her shoulders.)

(Also:) "Because Kaijin recorded a video of me and two Thai ladyboys. Tis very embarrassin' which be why Oi'm givin' ye m' pot o' gold to keep it quiet."

(I'm seriously injured now, my diaphragm has exploded and severely mangled my intestines and ribcage from laughing so hard at this. You're going to have to pay my medical bills now. Digestive fluid is leaking into my abdominal cavities and eroding my insides, I have to go on dialysis 3 times a week because my kidneys were destroyed by the extreme laughter. I have no insides anymore, I'm a hollow shell full of liquefied meat paste. Holy shit, I'm literally dead.)

(Plus, I was listening to the Fatal Fury 2 soundtrack while reading this and the Thailand theme started playing as I read that line, making me laugh even harder.)

(Playing both of the videos below at the same time is a somewhat accurate recreation of the scene, with the .gif serving to represent my dogs' reactions.)

(Also, you've given me ideas. Cow Girl Bex is now high priority, maybe I'll even throw in the MacMadeth twins in the same image.)

"Deadly Anomalies, Dangerous Mutants, Circle Cultists and Sussy Bakas… None of them will stop the Church of Shirley on its triumphant march towards saving the planet!"

Screamed Kaijin at the angel when he went over there to ask if they could have their football back after accidently kicking it into Kaijin's garden whilst they were practising their scorpion kicks.

They left Kaijin hammering more signs into the front of their local Arbies as they went back home, sad that they could no longer be balling.

"Aww man" Sighed Number 429345B "Brother Boi said you weren't allowed to have any fun in November, but I didn't think that meant you weren't allowed to have any in December either…"

(Nope, sorry, it's December, I've got to finish Christmas art first.)

(But as soon as the Estelletons are finished having a happy and completely normal Christmas together, it's back to your regularly scheduled man-made horrors beyond your comprehension!)

(Ok, the Chirstmas art is finished for this year, Your motherfucking lives end whenever I'm finished with whatever I'm going to post next, just you watch.)

The angel concludes…

…and there you have it.
"That's it? You sure you aren't missing anything?"
Everything necessary has been set up.
"Well, if you say so."

However…
"What is it?"
I know this is unrelated, but there's been something I haven't told anyone about. Not even you.
"There's more?"
It's about my nature, my very origin. More specifically, how I came to be?
The librarian paused.
"What about it? You said that beings of your rank are born spontaneously."

Well, I'm the exception!
The librarian is taken aback.
"So… you weren't born spontaneously? How did you come to be, then?"

I found myself in a dire situation. I got supercharged, and started saving a whole bunch of creatures who were dying in a war.
"Now I have even more questions."
Yet seemingly paradoxically, I was remarkably calm, and began transforming as I focused intensely. I ascended throughout, experiencing whole worlds beyond comprehension. I also learned about my chromatic modes; that is, my color abilities. I opened a door for my immobile looking self to pass through, and shut the door on him. He, I mean, my old self was sealed away. His consciousness moved to my current body.

"Were you.. are you.. actually.?"

I had that same human nature this whole time.

It's been 3 minutes and the librarian is still processing that.

Stroud Johnson enters the room. He sees the librarian's frozen reaction and the angel pacing around and about.
The angel approaches Stroud 'The Round' 'The Proud' 'The Stout' Johnson, to present him with the same .

The librarian regains her composure and hears Stroud's reaction to the news:
"I knew it! I knew you had it in you."
You didn't kno.. wait repeat that?
"The body. Isn't it in you?"
Actually yes it is! It's completely intact, usable, and safe to possess. If you want to..

The lever escapement nestled deep within the core next to the body has gone missing. The tool contains genetic code which is used for cloning.

WHAT
no one had even come close to the core in ages. this may complicate..

A shitbot has entered the room, having found the device.

Thank you. Where did you find it?

I N T H E B A S E M E N T .

… cool. And no one came in and out of the basement since I arrived?

ONLY ME, SIR.

…

…

Now I need to process this.

The angel, looking nauseous, swept out of the room.

After some long silence, Stroud spoke up:
"We didn't even get to see the body."
"We'll see him next time."

Both the librarian and Stroud walked out of the room, but as they did, Stroud looked back with a glare and an eerie, inhuman smile.

(Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?)

(I do not think I am prepared for the Christmas Horror Arc.)

At this point, the angel had told everyone in the inner circle about his true nature. While they were not told to keep it secret, they knew that it would make the cult look bad if people knew the angel had human qualities. Avoiding potential accusations of "humanism," the inner circle decided that if any mid-tier members figure out the secret, they would be promptly subsumed into their group. Those who are outside the intermediate circles would receive no such reward, as they would presume it to be speculation.

It is said that those who reach the inner circle no longer fear death. Their attitude towards life may appear hedonistic, but this is an illusion. Circle cultists actually become more ascetic the further in they go.

Someone raises their hand.

Yes?

"Why do we have a hierarchy?"

Great question! Short answer: it's because we're in a cult. Now for the long answer…

Humans are predisposed to forming hierarchies. Many animals form hierarchies as a survival skill to minimize the consequences of their losses. Although most people don't have to worry about living in an "eat or be eaten" environment, the fact that they don't have to worry is a profound quality! Hunter-gatherer societies may have been more egalitarian, but as few became many, this primordial equality became a pressing issue. Powerful individuals grew in number, and they were acutely aware of the unnecessary suffering that surrounded them. Therefore, they considered the qualities of the strong, such as pride, courage, and perseverance, to be "good," while their opposites: humility, cowardice, and irresoluteness, as weak and therefore "bad." Those who were ignorant of the paradigm shift were called barbarian. Thus, morality was invented.

This is how hierarchies formed, but that's not the end of the story. You might notice that many of us, including myself, have acted in contradiction to the morality of the strong. How did this happen? Well, strong castes tended to lose their noble character after a handful of generations. This can have a variety of causes; for example, prolonged warfare bleeds too much manpower, the just forget what justice is, bureaucrats become inefficient, and so on and so forth.

But can the opposite happen? Can the weak become strong? Yes! They can become strong. There are a few ways to do this. The most obvious back then was to adopt the qualities that gave strength to the upper class. Or, they could invert the old morality, and make a new morality. To do this, they dropped the view that reality is inherently hierarchical, and realized a different view. This took on a lot of forms, and the heavenly beings noticed and even participated in this phenomenon. But to summarize, the running theme was this: there was this world and that world. Because the weak could not satisfy themselves in this world, they satisfied themselves in a different world, whether that be the afterlife, the world of forms, or something that transcends all worlds. Those who were ignorant of the new paradigm were considered evil, arrogant, elitist, and various other miscellaneous words.

This is why secular society gives care, integrity, and equality more weight. Most people follow the newer morality, which is for the best. The head may be the most important body part, but the rest of the body bears physical strength. We don't say "strong eyesight," but "good eyesight." We don't say "strong hearing," but "great hearing." Humanity lives at the precipice of materiality, while the abstract floats in front of us.

The angel concludes his sermon. He would spend the entire afternoon answering questions from congregants.
After sunset, the angel found time to return to the inner circle.

"What… just happened?"
Success; That is, recruitment.
"Interesting strategy. But just before, you started off by saying we don't fear death. Wouldn't that change with the relaxed requirements?"
That's where you come in. You tell them the new initiates the experiences of what you learned in here.
Yesterday you were pupils, but tomorrow you will become teachers.

The angel returned to his chamber and answering questions.

---

During the next morning's assembly, the angel decided to speak about nihilism.
Remember how I said that the otherworldly could include the afterlife or the world of forms? The world of the formless is the refuge for nihilists.
The angel spent the rest of the sermon explaining the origins of nihilism, specifically ethical nihilism.

When the angel returned to the inner circle, the librarian reported a dead body. The inner circle's discourse was going nowhere, so the angel brought in some shitbots. Their understanding of clones let them swiftly identify Stroud Johnson. After his execution, they found the real Stroud 'The Round' 'The Proud' 'The Stout' Johnson locked in a refrigerator. After finding out he's alive, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

(If you want, the angel can be shown as green words in thoughts, whether they be his own or someone else’s.)
(In normal circumstances, the angel’s telepathy is weak compared to his supernatural kin. Even medication can make him seem mute.)

The librarian leveled up!
Record Keeping went from High Master to Grand Master.
Critical level up! Organization went up from Master to Grand Master.
WARNING: The Sburb plugin enables all unlockable cheats. Soup King can disable available cheats. So far, only the Muse of Life; that is, the angel, had unlocked such features.
olors64 contemplates how he should present the warning…
I decide to let him know publically.

---

The librarian breaks the 4th wall.

---

“Hey! What’s going on! Level up? Are you serious.”
Welcome to my world!
“The Telepath! You knew about this all along?”
Yep.
“How does my awareness affect my ranking?”
Meta-awareness is tricky. Cognizing the supramundane does not abide by convention.
The mundane world; that is, the world you and I live in, is predetermined by thought from true humans. In other words, a few real humans control our cosmos, our world, and even our timelines.
The entropy of the mundane reality is very high at this instant…
“Amazing. I feel… peaceful. And I bet you do too.”
This is no ordinary level of consciousness. You know what this means, don’t you?
“Uh, I don’t follow…”
We are both Stream Enterers. The gates of hell are shut. The animal womb is closed. The hunger of our spirits are satiated.
In other words, our only options are to be reborn in the heavens or as humans.
We also have a maximum of seven rebirths remaining.
“What?! Are you saying that, that rebirth can END???”
Yes! That is the greatest secret ∀ life!
Oh, and ∀ means “for all”.
“I was leveling up earlier.”
Actually, when you return, you return instantaneously.
“That’s convenient.”
It is. So far I taught you, Stroud, and a few others how to make your brains go super speed.
“Ugggh, you saying the word ‘brain’ makes me nauseous…”
Yeah this world is the most sensitive and the most non-sensitive of them all. Disgust is all-or-nothing when you mind suffers from polar dualism.
“Goodbye! Hope to perceive you here next time, somehow..”
I hope so too. 👋

The librarian returns to her level ups.

“Heh, the url is all letters. How about that.”

(Oh no, I’m having a mid-thread crisis!)

(At least you're not violently homophobic, racist against Asians and a half-Asian in a lesbian relationship with an Asian woman while also looking like you face-planted into a woodchipper, being obscenely alcoholic and having a degenerative neurological disease from repeated head traumas, but are immortal so you just get worse without ever dying from it, ever.)

(Yeah, being Blütgrindor sucks but it still doesn't excuse her actions as she's basically at some point or another committed every crime known to mankind with the sole exception of child abuse.)

(This means at some point Blütgrindor has run out of gas on the Autobahn, used chewing gum in Singapore, fed pigeons in Venice, took a selfie with a Sri Lankan Buddha, killed Bigfoot, been morbidly obese in Japan, died inside the British Houses of Parliament and reincarnated in China without permission of the Chinese government.)

(Meanwhile the angel had been expecting a duel after the incident he did an EMP over.)

Does she even have a soul at this point?
I would be dissapointed if she didn't or if what little soul she has left is so corrupted that any and all forms of salvation are impossible, I fear that not even a complete total annihilation to a subatomic level could fully erase her, and therefore, leave her at peace.
It would also mean that YOU get to milk her for all her worth while Soup, Olors and I have to make do with what we got, and with Soup being generally less active it all falls on my shoulders as second in command of the CoC and I'm not sure if I'm ready or even worthy of such honor and resposability, one which would make normal men go totally insane because of stress.

It is now the winter solstice.

"Sir, do you have a birdcage?"
Here, this one's empty.

Everyone's attention is suddenly caught by the sound of jingling bells coming from the chimney and a soft blue light flowing out of the chimney place from which the ghostly voice of Soup King can be heard.

"Use the chair, young padawan."

"Smack the bitch out of her."

Then with a hearty laugh, the light and jingling slowly faded away and Soup King went back to doing Xmas stuff elsewhere.

(I swear, at this point I'm going to have to put a scene in the comic where one of you goofballs tries to use a folding chair on an Undefinable only for the chair to disintegrate upon impact and the Undefinable to BTFO whoever tried to hit it with the chair.)

(Can someone tally up the chair images in this thread?)

Imagine being a physical attacker
This meme made by inner circle gang

Congratulations, sir. The librarian is now issuing your heaven visa…

“38 John said to him, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” 39 But Jesus said, “Do not stop him, for no one who does a mighty work in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. 40 For the one who is not against us is for us. 41 For truly, I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.”
- Mark 9:38-41

---

I experimented with the entire "Chaotic" alignment

Chaotic good is the angel, but he's been moving to lawful recently
Chaotic neutral is comboclass (guy who does geometry sometimes)
Chaotic evil is dimentio (trapped in hell)

(Because it's been over a week since anybody posted anything here and I can't think of anything better at the moment, I dare Soup King to make a tier list of my OCs based off of how good/entertaining of a character he thinks they are.)

(I suppose I should update the original tier list I made for you. Although you have so many OCs I could probably make a "Countries of the World" parody out of them now.)

(When reading back through the old list, I accidently misread Sharla as Sharia, so here's Shirley, ṣallā llāhu ʿalayhī wa-sallama, in a Burqa)

(So now that I've created your pfp for Ramadan, I'm now going back to battling my insomnia before my early shift starts.)

A faint cry of En Garde can be heard faintly by everyone in the distance before Team Soup King is seen blasting off again.

(I'm sorry whenever somebody mentions Ramadan, or Yom Kippur while we're at it, I am immediately reminded of this song. Enjoy the song that was actually scientifically engineered to be the worst possible song.)

(Now that I have successfully united the Muslim and Jewish communities against myself, I will now proceed to take credit for peace in the Middle East while never ever visiting there as every country in the region has most likely banned me from entering their borders for this.)

(Kaijin is a Circle Cultist!)

(I have proofs.)

(Nice try, but everyone knows that I don't shop at Target.)

(Also, My avatar OC wears a "trenchskirt" it's basically the bottom half of a trenchcoat without the top, coat part. Also, I never leave the house without SAPI plates and reloads for my M16 and 40mm grenade launcher. And no gloves?)

(Also, I cant stop laughing at the hot dog hands on the first one and the feet-hands on the last one.)

(So I entered in the description of your character as is, and the machine produced this abomination)

(What I typed in was "A man in a purple trench skirt, black gloves, a white gasmask, SAPI plates, 40mm grenades and M16 magazines", so how we ended up with "Eldritch Abomination poorly masquerading as a human being" I don't know.)

(Still no gloves, AI's are worse with hands than I previously thought.)

Kaijin, after a voting by the CoC commitee, you have been officially titled as…

(Counterpoint: Quiet_boi is a simp. The only alternative is that he has squirrels in his pants, but somehow only when Sam is in the room.)

(I feel this is accidently descending into a "Kaijin Bully Thread" which is something I think we should rectify.)

(Brother Boi, by the power invested in me by myself, I command you to say something nice about our lovely artist friend!)

He has a cute butt uwu.
That's enough, boss?

(Normally, I'd say yes, but we've got to repair, like, two entire pages of playground insults.)

(What about his tuccus do you find to be visually appealing?)

(Please provide diagrams and charts as necessary.)

(Quiet_boi is now confirmed to have the biggest gay. And a furry for some reason.)