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Without a second thought Quiet_boi pulls down his pants and aims towards Kaijin "Fire in your hole!" yells Quiet_boi as the shit filled grenade hits Jenna's face

I have no idea what's going on with me and Quiet_boi anymore so…

…I'm just going to pretend I didn't read that for now…

A group of Interdictors found Sam's unconscious body and moved it on orders from their Teach-Captain to their APC upon which it disembarked from the surface and disappeared into the large warship blocking out the Sun overhead.

Jamie found himself pinned down from fire from a fireteam of Interdictors, they had set up a machinegun nest in a crater where one with a rotary gun Squad Automatic Weapon was spraying thousands of rounds a second into the dirt mound he was hiding behind while her two squadmates supported her. More Interdictors were quickly surrounding him and the march of Soldiers was approaching. His knives and swords would be ineffective against the soldier's armor suits, meaning if he were to act, he would have to act fast.

(Note: The USCAA Military's projectile weapons will at the very least dismember a limb off of anyone they hit and if the score a torso or headshot, will assuredly kill.)

Jamie growls and lets out a roar of anger before warping reality, causing the entire machinegun nest and the interdictors around him to turn into a field of daisies before teleporting aboard the the APC
"hello boys"

The entirely female group of Interdictors looked briefly confused at Jamie's comment and then proceeded to open fire on him. Jamie then realized that he didn't see Sam anywhere… he had teleported aboard the wrong APC.

(touche lol)
Jamie merely growls and unleashes a hail of knives at the interdictors killing them instantly before using his angelic senses to teleport directly to Sam

After wiping his ass on a photo of Kaijin, Quiet_boi says "I'll do that to you later, but first i have some other business to attend to" So rushing to the APC in which Sam and Jamie were he forces the door open and says "Hi, rookie. How's the situation?" to which Jamie responds "Under control, Acolyte boi" Quiet_boi responds "I wasn't talking to you. You are way too expirienced for a rookie, i was talking to that pretty tomboy right there" Sam says "Can either of you get me outta here already!?" "Sure thing" says Quiet_boi "Ya ready for this, dude?" he says as he prepares his AA-12 automatic shotgun, ready to fill the vehicle and nearly everything in it full of holes

Jamie grins and nods twirling his swords before standing beside Quiet and prepared to slash his way out of the APC
"Always Acolyte Boi"

Quiet_boi, having somehow ascended 200,000 feet into the atmosphere and tore open the door of a pressurized vehicle, is blown off the side and back down to Earth. Sam and Jamie are then sucked out and plummet to the surface with Quiet_boi. The Interdictors on board the Aerial Personnel Carrier, strapped to their seats, simply press the button to close the emergency doors and ask themselves "What the fuck was that?"

Quiet_boi shifted around while falling so he would land in a cool kneeling pose, while this seemed like a good idea at the time upon hitting the ground he immediately splattered with chunks of him being spread over several miles. Sam, still being unconscious, didn't hit the ground as hard and giblets of her corpse were only flung over a 1,000 ft area. Jamie, having wings, opted to fly down to the surface, but was spotted by several Air Defense System-equipped Soldiers who immediately shot him down. His wings were torn from his back by their rotary cannon fire and he was burnt all over, fortunately for him, the blast of one of their Surface to Air Missiles slowed his descent to where he only broke both Clavicles, both Scapulae, several ribs and his C5 through T8 Vertebrae.

Meanwhile, Shirley had fallen fast asleep while Castiellea sat watching over her, when an load, antiquated beeping began piercing through the air. Shirley sat up and reached into her pocket, pulling out her 1996 Motorola StarTAC Cellular Telephone, extended the antenna and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Oh, I'm with Kommando and Castiellea!"

"Oh, I'm busy right now."

"Oh?"

"Ok, I rode with Kommando and Castiellea, you'll have to pick me up, then."

"Well, Kommando's really busy right now! I can't interrupt him!"

"He's waging a holy war! He even made me the deity!"

"Ok, sorry. See you in a little bit then!"

Shirley closed the flip phone and looked to Castiellea.

"My sister's coming to take me home in a little while." Shirley said as she watched Kommando, who was still standing over Soup King Prime with his chainsaw stuck in his helmet.

Sharla started the 1955 Chevrolet Task Force pickup truck that had been in their family for 3 generations and set off to find Shirley. It was getting late and she wasn't going to let her or her sister be the first in the family to commit the disgrace of stayin' out past dark. Off of the farm and down the mountain she went towards the violent and smoldering remains of city buildings she drove.

(Sniggers in foreshadowing)

It's both a pity and a great thing that I'm having to work on my response in the few hours I have after work.

Both for additional side gags, and secondly because (record scratch).

Jamie grabs Sam as he flies out of the APC and teleports to Quiet grabbing him as well before teleporting them all safely back down to the ground

Suddently a shining light appeared in the sky, it was the underserving Circle itself which had decended from it's holey paradise and said "Not yet" Sam was given a ring of protection that would keep her safe as Quiet_boi and James were given markings in their arms which made both of them inmortal and indestructible. "Go ahead, my children!" Exclaimed the Holey one, "This fight isn't over yet" James and Quiet_boi were given portable nuclear missile launchers to fight off the nearly endless armies of enemies in the field. "Hey, Kaijin" exclaimed Quiet_boi "Your waifus are trash, dog!"

seeing the "Fat Man" in his hands Jamie begins to chuckle

Kommando snapped around to see the Undeserving Circle and pulling his chainsaw out of Soup King Prime's helmet, loudly cried:

"SHIRLEY!!!! GRANT ME STRENGTH!!!!! RAAAAUUUUUGHGHGHGHGHG!!!"

"You can do it!" Shirley cheered.

Kommando's bloated and cancerous form ignited in purple fire and he fired another massive blast from his gut-cannon, hitting the Circle and knocking it to the ground. Seizing the opportunity, Kommando then charged towards it using his teleportation to accelerate himself to Mach 69 and slashed the Circle, splitting it on one side. He then rebounded and slashed the other side of the circle, cutting it in half. Grabbing the two halves of the circle, he slammed them into the ground, shattering them into glowing shards that rapidly deteriorated and disappeared. Sam's ring and Quiet_boi and Jamie's markings disappeared as the source of their power had expired. Victorious against the false deity, Kommando announced:

"DEATH HAS COME FOR THE CIRCLE!!!!! RAAUUUUUUUGHGHGGHGHGH!!!!"

His armies joined in on the savage war-cry for a bit before he stopped to continue.

"…AND NOW… WE MARCH ON HELL!!!! KILL THE DODECAHEDRON!!!! AAUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHGGHGHGHH!!!"

And with that Kommando and his armies marched off towards the mountains, leaving the city in ruins and massive piles of dead Soup King robots and Circle cultist towering to the height of some the buildings. The spaceship still cast it's shadow overhead. Shirley rode on Kommando's back while Castiellea disappeared.

(Finally, I was growing bored of the city backdrop. Now we can focus on fighting the Dodecahedronists, right?)

Noticing that the danger had passed the great Circle rebounded it's pieces back together and gave Sam her ring back as Quiet_boi's and Jamie's markings returned as if nothing happened. "He can not destroy what has made him, for i am the center of all creation and perfection" said the Holey one, he continued "your tools are now forever binded to you three, for you are the chosen ones, now go, finish what was started" The circle dissapeared back into the sky as Jamie and Quiet_boi started to unload their automatic firing nuclear weapons reducing the armies of evil to dust "I didn't hear the bell ring, bitch" said acolyte boi as they kept firing their endless barrage of nucler world ending missiles

Jamie lets out a laugh as he infuses the explosions with angelic fire insuring that the army can't resurrect

"For the Holey one!!!!"

A few Soldiers equipped with Air Defense Systems intercepted the Nuclear Weapons by firing on them right as the two Circle Cultists fired them. The resulting explosion killed the two Circle Cultists, Sam, The Circle and a random mongoose that happened to be in the vicinity for no apparent reason. Shortly after the whole world cut to a results screen showing The Church of Shirley as the winner for this round. It then cut to a loading screen depicting the forest and waterfall on the back of the Mountain. After the loading screen finished, it cut back to Kommando and his army.

"THE CAVES ARE NOT FAR… RRGGGHH… ONCE WE REACH THEM, WE CAN ACCESS TO PORTAL TO THE DODECAHEDRON'S REALM! ARRRGHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!" Kommando announced marching through the forest.

Suddenly, several Dodecahedronists appeared from behind trees holding poorly made, jury-rigged rifles. Responding to the threat Kommando's Army began attacking the Dodecahedronists with Kommando quickly carving a trail of bloody, mutilated corpses through the Dodecahedronist ranks.

(The Circle is dead, Kommando will kill the Dodecahedron and has already killed the Circle. Any surviving Circle Cultists can join the effort to murder the Dodecahedron by renouncing the Circle and embracing Shirley, or die before the warriors of The Grand Dalai-Imam-Archpope-General-Cheif-Minister Of The Church Of Shirley.

Jamie shields them from the explosions using magic(and the mongoose that is now named ted and will never be seen in the story again)

"I will perish before I renounce the Undeserving circle as my patron"

(No, dude. None of that is canon. Remember you are suppoused to wait for Soup King's response, you can't let that whatever shitpost he wrote goes to waste)
"That was some serious cheating" Said Quiet_boi, he continued "if you can cheat, then so can i: [Inhales] iddqd, dnkroz, mpkfa, godmode 1, aspirine, hesoyam, up up down down left right left right B A Start, nocapinmyass" and Quiet_boi continues to activate invulnerability cheat codes just for himself and he can't be kicked out of the game because he has admin priviliges

Suddenly, the whole world began stuttering and froze. Then, a small window appeared, reading: "Stack Overflow" and everything went black.

Suddenly everything rebooted to just before Quiet_boi began spamming console commands. Evidently, the console should not be used as it might destabilize the engine into crashing. Fortunately, the World's save file wasn't corrupted by the crash Quit_boi caused.

(We're killing the Dodecahedron and nobody can stop me, whether or not you join me or die in a futile attempt to stop me is entirely up to you!)

(You are fucking nuts if you think you can kill all of them, there's at least 200 parallel universes worth of those assholes. And more are in the making as you kill them. You would literally have to fight for all of eternity)

(YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!!!)

(anakin skywalker reference)

I have a proposal to make.

How about we split this story into three timelines?

Kaijin's timeline shall be known as the Shadow The Hedgehog timeline, as it's action-packed, increasingly convoluted and edgier than a basement ninja.

My timeline shall be known as the Ugandan Knuckles timeline, because I know de wae, my hands click from working a full shift and then working on my response and I will spit on you all for giving me an ever increasing number of plot references I have to include.

Quit_boi's timeline shall be known as Canon because he is the only one living up to the spirit that we set out to create in this thread.

In fact, you know what?

Acolyte Boi, you are now being promoted to a full Brother of the CoC.

You now have access to the following privileges:

Going out in public without a chaperone

Access to three meals a day

Holding Sam's hand for your birthday.

Being excused from impromptu dance sessions we host in Kaijin's living room if you have a doctor's note.

I've come up with a before ending seen for the climatic battle you're involved in, but I don't want to put words in your mouth.

What is the general term for what Shirley is to the Church?

For example, you have Great Spirit for nature deities, Buddha is the Enlightened One, Jah is a god and the Undeserving Circle is the Holey One.

Ohoho, man, my birthday is gonna be fired up, yo!
I'm gonna hold Sam's hand in such a wholesome way that she's gonna cry for it, and then i'll wipe her tears and say "it's ok, you don't have to hide your emotions" and then! I'll watch a kids film with her until she falls asleep and THEN I'll carry her to bed and wish her a good night as i cover her in her blankets……… I mean, i could try to kiss her, but you don't see any priests trying to fuck Virgin Mary, do you?

(Shirley is Shirley. I didn't really think up any weird titles besides my own.)

• >"Holding Sam's hand for your birthday."

"Oh, so you admit to prostituting out your female followers to your higher-ranking members as rewards for loyalty and devotion? I knew you Circle Cultists were all insane, but I didn't take any of you for depraved, licentious hedonists that treat women as little more than utensils for your sick, perverted pleasure! Can your cult get any worse?"

The attacking Dodecahedronists had been routed, but Kommando would not afford them the chance to regroup, so he slashed another fissure into the air and two armored figures ran out into the darkened forest after them…

Varicella is an infamously bloodthirsty dame and witch hunter, along with her younger brother, Zoster. She is the more talkative, social and assertive of the two and tends to be the one to divise most of their plans and schemes, she is also quite frantic, two-faced, passive-aggressive and cunning, taking pride in luring her targets into a sense of comfort and hospitality before slashing their face open with one of her many, large daggers. She has an ability, henceforth referred to as the Herpetiformis Curse, that causes any bladed or spiked weapon she wields to infect opponents upon laceration with an incurable disease that causes painful warts and blisters to rapidly spread from the wound across the body until the vital organs are overcome and can no longer function, killing them painfully. Height: 5'9"

Zoster is the stoic and stalwart younger brother of Varicella and follows her wherever she goes, using his gigantic frame and extreme strength to handle anything that threatens them on their witch hunts. Quiet, detached and inexpressive, often to the point of standing completely still and being mistaken for a statue, he nonetheless is more than capable of facing any opponent he fights through his raw strength alone. He has an ability, henceforth referred to as the Herpetiformis Curse, that causes any bladed or spiked weapon he wields to infect opponents upon laceration with an incurable disease that causes painful warts and blisters to rapidly spread from the wound across the body until the vital organs are overcome and can no longer function, killing them painfully. Height: 6'11"

The two picked off the fleeing Dodecahedronists, leaving behind a trail of bloated, pustulating corpses behind them. Zoster nearly felled some of the massive and ancient Oaks and Beeches that made up the forest while charging into cowering cultists. Varicella's giggles echoed through the forest for every Dodecahedronist she slayed, their numbers dwindled and dwindled as she stalked them trough the woods slinging her tainted knives into their backs when they least expected it. Eventually they came to the waterfall that trailed down the steep cliffside on the mountain's south end, peering over the edge at the sprawling industrial park that had formed around the lake and the end of the waterfall and all it's power plants, docks, factories and bright, almost blinding sea of lights.

"Isn't it beautiful, Zoster? I don't think I've ever seen one of these cities this close before!" Varicella commented.

Zoster stood silent.

Varicella then stopped and slowly approached a nook in the cliff's face. As she did, sounds of panicked breathing became more and more apparent. A single, lone Dodecahedronist stood in the corner, having run there by accident in an attempt to escape their slaughter, he looked frail, pitiful, almost harmless. Zoster took the rusty, poorly-made rifle from him while Varicella walked towards the cultist, he stumbled backwards while pleading for mercy, Varicella merely smiled and twisted her polearm in her hand, nicking the very edge of the cultist's toe. He then began frantically trying to see what was happening to his foot when he began pulling his shirt up to look at what was causing the itching pain creeping up his body, he recoiled in horror at the welts, boils and warts springing up like a forest on fire. As it spread through his organs, swelling his lungs and heart shut, he only managed to whimper out a single word: "Why?" and as everything went black his last sight was two putrid, vomit-green eyes, the right one streaked with pale blue in one corner, smirking at his agony as he felt his throat blister shut.

"Let's inform the others that we've reached the cliffs, Zoster!" Varicella said as the two siblings marched back to the main force, having prevented any of the Dodecahedronists from escaping.

(Also, what the Hell is Varicella's polearm? I just thought of it while drawing thinking it was something I've seen before in a museum or photograph, but I've been Googling for about an hour now and I have no idea what it is or anything remotely similar to it. Have I accidentally created a new type of polearm?)

(Yeah, look Kaijin, sorry but King is right, your timeline is just too edgy, i'm going to separate them any attempts at a crossover are highly disencouraged and if you do one anyway then get ready for a C&D from the CoC legal departament)
.
Quiet_boi limited himself to just the markings given to him and Jamie by the Circle as both of them were given magical heavy armor piercing machineguns and began to rip all of their enemies apart "Sam! Don't look!" Said both Quiet_boi and Jamie as they massacre their enemies to pieces with Sam just barely peeking trough her fingers to look at the show.

(Eh, whatever. My stuff's generally response-driven, so if nobody replies to my posts I can't continue very easily. That's the only problem I have. If nobody wants to help me crusade against the Dodecahedron, I don't know how I'll continue this.)

Jamie chuckled darkly as he turned his minigun left and right, spraying down enemy after enemy with merciless accuracy

"For the Holey one!!"

Of course we don't, you ignorant Shirleyist!

In fact, Sam is notoriously licentious and we have to keep her separated from the non-mechanical members of the CoC due to her propensity to cuddle and kiss them when she gets excited.

Which is frighteningly easy.

We lost three acolytes to Cuteness Overdose a few years ago when she was left unattended in their company.

Their squees still echo in my audio databanks…

That rules out the penis joke then.

Don't worry, I'm sure I can come up with something equally heinous though.

"thank you for the compliment about me being too experienced to be a rookie Quiet by the way"

• >Penis joke.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY PURE AND INNOCENT LITTLE SOUTHERN BELLE BEHIND MY BACK SOUP KING???

I was hoping you were going to say God, so I could go with this following scene.

Shirley: Kaijin calls me God, but I'm not a god, Kaijn's the one with all of the magical powers.

(Castiella and MCC lean into the shot)

Castiella: And your lack of magical powers is the sole reason that you believe you are not a god?

Shirley (Sniffs) Uh-huh…

(Brief Silence)

MCC: I always knew that Kaijin was a-

(Cuts back to fight scene)

You don't need to worry about that now, you've managed to save yourself from that scene being illustrated and living forever in the depths of the internet and your soul.

However, I can't be blamed if anyone else makes it and surprises you with it this Halloween though.

No problemo, you clearly have more expirience in RP than i do, this is, in fact, my first RP ever i just go with whatever is in layed out and try to get creative while still sticking to canon…. You know what? Screw it, i officially declare you the new acolyte of the CoC (since Soup King already promoted me) now it is your obligation to buy candles for the sunday masses.

Aha! I just found a way to stop you then…. still.

Suddently a giant rectangular hole opens in the sky revealing one of the highest demons in the Dodecaheathenist mythos, Cubecuthon, who is a demon with the size of a literal galaxy and with trillions of deadly being coming from within him "Kommando_Kaijin" he says "You have angered Pythagoras… Prepare to be destroyed… Forever, you and that pityful harem of yours" He releases and army of millions of block knights who ride in polygonal shaped horses and wield gigantic axes and blasters that use a mix of magic and .100 cal ammo (which is twice as powerful as a .50 cal round) They then open fire towards Kaijin drowning him in bullets that slowly but surely begin to open holes in his armor.

bows before Quiet
"thank you Brother Quiet, I have been rping for a few years now. I think you are doing quite good for a beginner to rp if I'm being honest."

Oh No!

Not the Master of Meinkraft itself!

Surely Kaijin will be DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDD!

"FOOLS!" Kommando shouted. "RAAGGGHH!!! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly Kommando fired another blast from his gut-cannon, this time instead of exploding into a blinding light a deep, all consuming darkness appeared behind Cubecuthon. The light around it bent and warped as if even light itself was being sucked in to it. Kommando once again sprouted numerous weapons from his body and began firing on the beings emerging from the demon. Every drop of blood shed, bits of gore sprayed and body turned to a lifeless husk would suddenly end it's descent from the hole in the sky and begin floating back up. They floated up and up past Cubecuthon, towards the darkness where their form was stretched in ways unlike anything known to man and disappeared into the hole and with everything that the black hole swallowed, it grew bigger. Kommando and his army had eventually slayed enough of Cubecuthon's minions that the black hole began to drag Cubecuthon himself backwards into it. The demon began attempting to move and right as he began to escape, Kommando fired another black hole at him. The two black holes began were caught by each other's gravitational pull and began a binary orbit, gaining momentum and accelerating through Cubecuthon's realm as they did. The demon screamed in an incomprehensible and abstract agony as the binary black holes tore into it and it's form was distorted and contorted by the impossibly extreme gravity and then sucked into the void until it had entered complete nothingness. The hole in the sky closed shortly after the death of it's creator, sealing the black holes inside his realm.

"SHIRLEY GUIDES MY HAND!" Kommando growled before continuing his advance.

"Remind me not to anger him…" Varicella commented to Zoster, who had stayed silent throughout the whole ordeal.

"ANNIHILATION AWAITS!!!" Kommando announced as he lead his army further into the depraved depths of the Dodecahedron's realm, destroying any of it's followers or minions they encountered along the way.

(Also, not to nitpick, but a round twice the size of a .50 Cal round would be a 1-inch round, not .100 which would just be a fifth of the size of a .50 cal round, note the decimals.)

(That's what happends when you are not well versed into weapons and ammo, still a decent concept)

prays to the Holy Circle

A winged being whizzes through space.
hm.. star is spherical, but the planets aren't..
next solar system
scanning objects…
a binary system, the stars are both spherical, they are dancing in a circle, planets are spherical…
but their orbits are too elliptical
next sol.. wait, why don't I get help from the experts
Greeting circle cultists, I take it you are trying to contact the holey circle.
May I ask where it resides?
I think I'm getting closer, but aside from observing the shapes of things, I don't know of anything more specific.

Whether or not we answer depends on why you seek the Holy Circle?

I mean no ill will, I just want to learn about it, if learning is the right word…

Then you must ask Soup, our leader, he knows the most about the Holy Circle, I am merely the First Acolyte

very well, i await his response

A shrill, grim face grins and grimaces from the shadows. It's features were hidden behind an armored mask, but it's teeth bent into an insane, sadistic grin burnt themselves into your soul all the same.

"THE CIRCLE IS DEAD!" It announced.

"I KILLED IT! RAAAAGGHHH!!!" It continued.

Kommando leaped towards the winged newcomer, preparing to grind it to bloody chunks with his arm-mounted chainsaw.

"SHIRLEY!!! GIVE ME STRENGTH!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" He shouted as his 12-foot-tall, cancerous, armored form swiftly plummeting towards the winged being, chainsaw-first.

The Acolyte sighs and grabs the newcomer teleporting him away "You killed a projection of the circle Kaijin, not the Real Holy Circle"